Minivan and Mom Jeans

As a new mom there are two things I vowed never to do:
1) Drive a minivan; and
2) Wear mom jeans.

I have broken one of my vows. I’m now the proud owner of a minivan. And yes, I do mean proud. Seriously. You can’t knock it until you’ve driven one. There’s a storage compartment for everything: CDs, sunglasses, umbrellas, cupholders, garage door openers, spare change. You name it, there’s a nook for it. (And a spot for my Nook.) Plus, you can fit a double stroller, double wagon, two car seats, and five adults in one vehicle. At one time!

Since I was rather hasty about Vow 1, I decided to alter it: Never drive like a soccer mom in a minivan.

But there is no amending Vow 2. Fortunately, I haven’t worn any jeans with a nine-inch zipper and casual front pleats. (Thank you, Tina Fey, for the eloquent description.) Not even Jessica Simpson can pull off mom jeans. (You might remember the oh-so-important media frenzy a few years when Ms. Simpson wore a pair on stage.)

Sometimes, however, I fear the pleats aren’t far away. I have donned a pony tail way too much lately. There was a time in the not-so-distant past where my hair saw hot rollers on a fairly regular basis. Now I look like I’m channeling Tonya Harding. (Don’t worry, I’m not going to go around clubbing people in the knees because I’m jealous of their hair.) Just this morning I put on a pair of jeans that are a bit questionable. No pleats, but I may need to measure the zipper. I then topped it with a zip-up cardigan sweater. (Another item that must be carefully paired with appropriate bottoms.) I looked in the mirror and couldn’t believe my eyes. I was on the cusp of over-the-belly-button jeans and a button-up sweater vest adorned with kitty appliqués. I feared for my future.

So if you ever see me in a pair of denim with back pockets at my lower back, please, for the love of all that is holy, please give me a mom-jeans intervention.


5 thoughts on “Minivan and Mom Jeans

  1. Checked my zipper on my jeans. Way too long. Thought I got rid of all of my “nana” jeans. But as long as I wear a long enough top maybe nobody will notice. By the way, why haven’t men’s jeans changed? It’s just not fair.


  2. My teenage daughter won’t let me wear mom jeans. I’d be called out on it before leaving the house. I have a good 15 years on you and a MANY more pounds! If they make non-mom jeans for me, you certainly don’t need to have them. At least your van is cool!


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