What I Learned at the Mall

I loathe the mall.

My teenage self would gasp in terror at this statement. But it’s true.

I loathe the mall.

But alas, sometimes it’s a necessary evil. The plethora of stores makes it easy when you’re searching for hard to find items, like toddler boy preppy dress clothes that don’t cost as much as a year of college.

My shopping experience today led me to three affirmations as to my dislike of the mall.

First, I can’t believe the price of a pair of chinos in a color other than khaki for a three-year-old boy. Maybe I’m just uber cheap, but I think $40 for a pair of pants my son is likely to stain, tear, or outgrow within three months is a bit ridiculous. Unfortunately, the moderate-priced stores like Sears and JC Penny didn’t have pants without an elastic waist in his size. And while I’m all about elastic waists for the little ones, there are occasions where my son needs to be dressed up a bit. And an oxford tucked into an elastic waist is bound to get him featured in the back of some fashion magazine with a black rectangle over his eyes. And since I’m cheap, I think toddler underwear priced at $6 each is a bit absurd. Really? You can buy a seven pack of Thomas underwear at Target for $3 more. These are toddlers we’re talking about. Odds are good there will be poop or pee in those over-priced underpants.

Second, the cosmetics section of Macy’s is my personal hell. And why is it always near the entrance/exit? First, the smell is obnoxious. I had a headache for two hours after I left. I may have lost some sense of smell. How do those sales people stand it? Maybe the fumes have warped their vision a bit and that may explain why the women feel the need to paint on their makeup. They are all attractive. They don’t need to plaster themselves. Is this supposed to sell the stuff? I don’t want to use paint thinner to remove my eye makeup at night. And there’s a huge cosmetics section at Macy’s. Exiting the store is brutal as the women with their clown makeup and overpowering perfume surround me. And I don’t like clowns either. It’s all a bit unnerving.

Third, why can’t the up and down escalators be next to each other? Why do I have to keep walking in circles trying to find the up or the down? I know the idea is that I’ll be wowed by the store’s merchandise and buy more than necessary, but it still annoys me. Kudos to Sears for getting that one right. Macy’s you screwed that one up too.

And the last thing I learned today, and this one has no bearing on my dislike of the mall, is that the Bon Jovi CD in my purse will set off the alarms at Lord & Taylor. Good thing they don’t sell CDs.

(And while I did gripe a lot about Macy’s in this post, I did find an adorable pair of slim fit chinos in “cut grass” for $14.)

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6 thoughts on “What I Learned at the Mall

  1. I just found your blog through Tryeton’s Posse (we’ve both been nominated!!). YOU ARE F###ING funny!! Yes, Yes, YES!! What is up with the ladies working in the makeup department with their make up horribly applied and caked on to the max???

    Like

    • Congrats to you also! I will have to check out your blog. I have to admit that the following day I was at a smaller dept store (still on the quest for an outfit for son) and the women at the make up counter didn’t try to attck with me perfume, and they figured out why I kept setting off the alarms…my purse had a sensor that wasn’t deactivated. 🙂

      Like

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